Any of my close friends will tell you, “Ashley is obsessed with the Summer Olympics.” So when Simone Biles announced that she was pulling out of the team competition last week due to an injury, my gymnastics-loving heart sank. “Oh my gosh, is she okay?! What does this mean for Team USA?!”
When word came out that she had withdrawn for mental health reasons, my heart completely broke for Simone, knowing that her mental health was having such an intense impact on her physical health. I wanted to just give her a hug. But as I’ve had time to think more about her decision to pull out of the competition, I’ve found myself so immensely proud of her for prioritizing her mental health instead of risking her physical well-being for the sake of winning a medal. As I watched her gracefully navigate the conversation around her mental health I found her message to be universally important. But I believe that there are three things Simone Biles can teach us about maternal mental health.
It is vital to prioritize your mental health.
As moms, we are notorious for putting the needs of everyone in our family first. Whether it’s our kids or our spouse or partner, more often than not, we make sure that the care and well-being of others is taken care of.
It is hard not to prioritize our kids’ needs when they literally need help with bathing, feeding, and clothing themselves. They truly are dependent upon us in so many ways. And while we ensure that our little ones are cared for no matter what, it can take a toll on us. We don’t get enough sleep because our babies won’t sleep, which leads to having shorter fuses the next day. We feel overwhelmed by all the responsibilities on our shoulders, which can lead to chronic anxiety and even panic attacks.
Helping yourself before helping others.
When you fly on an airplane, the flight attendant always tells you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping a fellow passenger put on theirs. Yes, I know it may sound somewhat cliché, but when it comes to taking care of our own mental health, the same absolutely applies.
When Simone decided to step back from the team competition, she knew that she couldn’t be the best teammate if she wasn’t well. In the same way, we want our children to have the best version of us, and if we are avoiding dealing with our own anxiety, depression, or grief, we can’t give that to them. I know firsthand it can be so challenging to find and make time to care for your own mental health, but without making a conscious effort to do so, you may be putting yourself at greater risk for additional mental, emotional, or physical health challenges.
It’s okay to say no and not do what others expect.
When it was announced that Simone was not going to finish the team competition, many naysayers (and downright bullies) vocalized their ugly opinions: “She’s a quitter. She let her team down. She owes this to the USA. She needs to just suck it up.” But rather than let others’ opinions and their expectations of what she should do dictate her decision, Simone listened to herself and made the choice that prioritizing her own mental, emotional, and physical health was more important than attempting to meet everyone else’s expectations.
Saying no to commitments and responsibilities can be really hard.
As moms, we take on extra jobs and tasks at work because we don’t want others to think we aren’t pulling our weight. We agree to help with the extra activities the school needs support with because, well, they “need” help. We shoulder the extra responsibilities of the family because we are the only one who knows how to do it “right,” and no one else will actually get it done. But by making decisions about how we spend our time, what we commit to, and what we give our energy to based on what others say or think about us, we are not learning to listen to what our own bodies and minds are telling us.
If we take on more responsibility than is physically possible, we are the ones who suffer. Saying no to someone or something doesn’t make you a failure, and definitely doesn’t make you lazy. Saying no means you understand what your limits are and that you can’t live according to others’ expectations – you are prioritizing your own mental and physical needs.
For those in our support system: Listen to and believe us when we say we need help.
Now, this last one is for those in our support system. As so many couch critics like to do, people immediately began criticizing Simone for withdrawing from the competition, saying things like “She should just suck it up. She knew what she was getting herself into at this level of competition. She’s done this before; she should be able to just do it again.” But what these people fail to understand is that just because someone may look okay doesn’t mean that they actually are.
For someone to step up and say, “I’m not okay” can be extremely challenging.
As moms and women, we especially pride ourselves on being able to do it all and make it look easy. But inside, we may be truly falling apart. It can be so hard to finally admit to ourselves and then to our partners or our friends that we are struggling with postpartum depression or anxiety.
If your wife, girlfriend, sister, or friend comes to you and admits that she’s going through a difficult time, don’t try to tell her what she should or shouldn’t do. Instead, listen to her, and believe her. Simply be there so she can open herself up to you. Ask what she needs from you and how you can support her. She may not know what she needs, but what she definitely doesn’t need is to feel judged, degraded, or made to feel less than because of her anxiety or depression. Simply be the physical shoulder for her to lean on and the arms to embrace her, and let her know that you will support her however she needs you to in order to get the help that she needs.
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We all experience difficult times throughout life. Similarly, we all deserve support working through these experiences. I would be honored to provide that support through online therapy. I offer a variety of online therapy services to those living in Hawaii, Louisiana, and Colorado as well. To start your therapy journey, follow these simple steps:
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Other Services Offered With Ashley By Ashley Comegys, LCSW
I offer many therapy services for women living in Colorado, Louisiana, and Hawaii. This includes online postpartum anxiety and depression treatment, online depression treatment, online grief counseling for women, and online trauma treatment for women. In addition, I also provide support for military spouses, online postpartum support, and online individual counseling for women.