The last two years have been filled with stressful situation after stressful situation for moms.
Between frequent class quarantines, trying to work from home, and limited support from family and friends, many moms feel like they are emotionally and mentally hanging on by a thread. The stresses of the pandemic combined with the normal exhaustion of motherhood are enough to make any person feel like they are breaking. At times, it has been like a never-ending tsunami of overwhelm and anxiety.
While we would love to be able to wave a magic wand and make the stressors disappear, unfortunately, that isn’t real life. Instead, learning to cope with the stress by completing the stress response cycle can help reduce the experience of burnout.
What Is the Stress Response Cycle?
Whenever we experience something we perceive as stressful, that stress creates a natural response in our bodies that has a beginning, a middle, and an end. The body needs to move through each phase of this cycle to successfully move through the stress.
For example, back when our ancestors would experience threats, such as being chased by a lion, they would run to their village for protection. Some of the strong villagers may have attacked the lion with daggers and spears to take the animal down.
After the lion was slain, the whole village would jump with joy and celebrate together that this animal that threatened their lives was no longer an issue. And for the person who was being chased by the lion, the stress cycle is completed as the threat is over.
In today’s terms, here’s how it might look:
You get a news alert that COVID-19 cases are on the rise in your area, and in the next moment, you get an email from your kid’s teacher that the whole class is in quarantine due to exposure at school. These two stressful events naturally cause a spike in your body’s cortisol and your adrenaline goes up as well. Your body is entering into the fight or flight response.
As a flight response, you gather your kids from school and head home, knowing that you will all be stuck in the house together for the next 10 days and that you’re supposed to also somehow continue to get work done. As you sit on the couch after the kids finally go to bed, eating the remaining Oreos from the cupboard and distracting yourself with mindless TV, you also find yourself scrolling social media, reading new information on the virus, and witnessing other families talk about their quarantine struggles.
In this modern-day scenario, you have not completed the stress response cycle.
What happens is that you end up stuck in this cycle and your body continues to experience the stress responses (high cortisol and adrenaline levels) and it becomes chronic. You begin to have an elevated heart rate, trouble with your digestive system, or struggle to sleep soundly. Stress starts to impact your emotional, mental, and physical well-being. However, as twin Drs. Amelia and Emily Nagoski write in their book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle:
“The good news is that stress is not the problem. It’s how we deal with stress—not what causes it—that releases the stress, completes the cycle, and ultimately, keeps us from burning out. You can’t control every external stressor that comes your way. The goal isn’t to live in a state of perpetual balance and peace and calm; the goal is to move through stress to calm, so that you’re ready for the next stressor, and to move from effort to rest and back again.”
So How Do We Complete the Stress Response Cycle?
Here are six different ways to help complete the stress response cycle and help your body and mind return to their resting states.
1. Physical Activity:
Now, “physical activity” does not mean “go exercise.” For some people, it might mean that, but if exercise isn’t your thing or you’re feeling physically exhausted, there are other ways to get physical activity. Turn on your favorite music and dance around the living room. Go in your bedroom and scream into and punch your pillow. Do a series of jumping jacks or jump on your kids’ trampoline. Just use your body to move.
2. Creativity:
You don’t have to be an amazing artist to flex your creativity muscle. Maybe it is sitting down with one of your kids’ coloring books and some crayons. Get yourself a set of watercolors and brushes, or maybe you enjoy sewing. If baking is your thing, pull out your cookbook and whip up a batch of cookies.
3. Laughter:
Laughter is not just an emotional release but also impacts the body in a positive way. Turn on that episode of New Girl that always leaves you in tears. Or call up that friend who always has you in stitches when the two of you talk.
4. Crying:
Many people try to avoid crying because we’ve been taught that crying is bad or “weak.” But crying is a very natural response and is a healthy way to help release stress and complete the cycle. Crying can also be very physical and can impact the body in a positive way, similar to how physical activity and laughter can provide release.
5. Physical Affection:
Physical touch can be a comforting way to release stress. Whether it’s your spouse, partner, child, pet, or friend, give them a hug and hold the hug for at least 20 seconds. Research has shown that hugging for that amount of time helps the body to release the “love hormone” oxytocin and helps communicate to your body that the danger is no longer there.
6. Deep Breathing:
Taking deep and slow breaths can help to calm the central nervous system and end the stress response cycle. You can take deep, slow breaths into a count of five and then slowly breathe out for a count of 10, and do this three times. Or you can use a tool like this one that can help provide a visual that is easy to follow and can help you in making sure you’re timing your breathing properly.
We are never going to be able to remove all the stressors in our lives as moms, but identifying and utilizing different techniques to help you complete the stress response cycle can assist you in working through – and preventing – burnout.
Begin Working with an Online Therapist in Louisiana, Hawaii, Florida, or Colorado
I understand how stressful and difficult it can be to manage burnout in motherhood. This is why I’m happy to offer support for mothers via online therapy in Hawaii, Florida, Louisiana, and Colorado. If you are ready to start your therapy journey, please follow these simple steps:
Schedule a free 15-minute consult via phone or video
Start healing from the comfort of home!
Other Services offered with Ashley Comegys, LCSW
I am happy to offer multiple mental health services for women in Colorado, Hawaii, Florida, and Louisiana. These include therapy for anxiety, online postpartum depression treatment, online postpartum support, and online depression treatment. I also offer online grief counseling for women, therapy for military spouses, and online trauma treatment. Learn more by visiting my blog or about page today!