It’s a new year that brings the promise of a new you. Or so society tells us this is true. The dawn of a new year is meant to usher feelings of hope and excitement, of a clean slate and plans for self-improvement. And yet, for many, that sentiment doesn’t ring true. 

If you’ve experienced the pain of loss in the past year, from losing a job, moving away from friends, grieving the death of a loved one, or even facing unwanted and yet undefined change in the coming months, the looming new year might leave you feeling empty. Weighty expectations for change can feel more like a heavy burden, and it’s challenging to get motivated to celebrate. 

The truth is that hanging up a new calendar on the wall will not change how you feel, nor does it define where you are or should be in your healing journey. 

here are 5 tips for coping with feelings of loss in the New Year from an online therapist in Honolulu, hI

1. Set Realistic Expectations of Self.

Don’t put expectations on yourself that you might not be able to live up to. Doing so only creates a cycle of feeling less than, worthless, or incapable. Similar to people who choose to give up a bad habit or start exercising in the new year, the inclination to lapse and let resolutions fall to the wayside is just as real when moving through grief and loss. Making unrealistic resolutions can set you up for failure and disappointment. Instead, be intentional with your resolutions. Focus on being kind and gentle with yourself rather than trying to change yourself or your circumstances. 

I encourage you to let go of judgment of yourself and others.  There is no timeline for when you might feel better. In fact, as we age and grow, we naturally reprocess grief and loss through new lenses. Healing is a fine attunement of how the loss fits into our daily operations as humans in this world. If you make resolutions, start with small goals – to treat yourself with love, try something new, and do one thing for yourself each month. Treat yourself compassionately as you might treat a friend.

2. Practice Acceptance And Make A Plan For Support with yourself and an online therapist in Honolulu, hI.

This is a difficult one, but it’s best to avoid turning to isolation and negative or unhealthy behaviors.  It’s important to connect with others and accept help when it is offered. Spend time as you are able with loved ones and connect with others who are grieving. By offering support to one another and sharing personal stories of loss, you can ease into the rawness of your new situation. 

True healing from loss is about getting the help you need (like from an online therapist in Honolulu, Hawaii) and settling into the reality of your life and the person you are now. Then you can decide how to incorporate the story of what happened into your life and self to begin moving forward. There is no destination but a continuous journey of processing, allowing, forgiving, being kind to yourself, and trying again. 

3. Practice Mindfulness In Your Body.

Feel what you feel and where you hold emotion in your body. Pay attention when difficult feelings arise. Choose to look at the new year as a time to breathe deeply into your whole body and being and reflect on your life experiences. Whether you support this mindfulness practice with tools like meditation, tapping, or exercise, processing your feelings in a somatic way can help lessen their intensity and incorporate them into your day-to-day sense of self. How can you honor the sensations as they arise with a sense of allowance rather than fighting against them?

4. Take Time To Remember.

Revel in memories of the loved one or situation you’ve lost. Allow yourself to celebrate the life that was and the gifts you gained from it. The traditional new year’s song, Auld Lang Syne, based on a 1788 Robert Burns poem, asks, “should auld/old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?” While it can be painful and hard, this song of reminiscing invites us to do the same as we face promise in the coming year. Rather than leaving behind all the events and people that came before, I encourage you to dig in, to trust that the future is only sweeter for having been steeped in the richness of your past, no matter how challenging or painful. 

You can explore how you might incorporate the values, ideals, hopes and dreams of your loved one or your past self and keep them alive. What pieces do you wish to carry forward, and which can you choose to discard as no longer serving you?

5. Seek professional support with an online therapist in Honolulu, Hawaii.

Whether a support group, a private therapist, or a psychiatrist who can prescribe medication, you have options for support outside your circle of peers, family, and friends. You do not need to struggle with the burden of loss alone.
Most importantly, remember that January 1 is just another day, like any other. You will wake up and go about the tasks of your day. The symbolism of a new year is more about taking the opportunity to reflect and honor what you have experienced, both the good and bad, pain and beauty. 

Begin Counseling today with an Online Therapist in Honolulu, HI

I would be honored to assist you in feeling rejuvenated and restored if you are experiencing a difficult time. I can provide online counseling to clients in Colorado, Hawaii, Louisiana, and Florida. To get started, please follow these simple steps:

1. Schedule a free 15-minute consultation via phone or video

2. Learn more about me

3. Start learning how to cope with life

Other Services Offered By Ashley Comegys

I’m happy to provide various services to support your mental health. Other services offered include grief counseling, online postpartum depression treatment, online postpartum support, and online depression treatment. I’m also happy to offer military spouse therapy and online trauma treatment for women. Visit my blog or about page to learn more today!